Nothing worth watching lately

I don't usually watch a movie more than once, but because I have nothing worthwhile to watch I put in Night Watch which I have watched more than once before. It is the first movie in a trilogy based on some very popular Russian novels. Damn that movie is entertaining. It has witches, vampires, shape shifters, cool stunts and awesome special effects. If you liked the movie Wanted (same director) you'd most likely enjoy the Night Watch and Day Watch movies. The third in the trilogy is going to be produced in Hollywood. I don't know what to make of this, my verdict is out. I guess the second movie sorta ended things properly for the characters so if the story was completely different, it may be okay. I just can't have an opinion about it right now.

It's like trying to imagine Will Smith and Steven Spielberg making a version of my favorite all time Korean movie, Oldboy. I understand the boys are not trying to remake the movie Oldboy, but make another movie based on the same graphic novel. It still boggles my mind in such a way I just can not let the thought stay in my brain, it gets rejected. I can't think about it. I just cannot imagine such a thing, it's beyond my level of comprehension. This I should watch again. Oldboy is one of a trilogy as well, but not so much about the same characters as it is a 'Vengeance Trilogy', the only thing movies have in common is the vengeance theme. All movies are worth a watch, but Oldboy is my favorite. I'm still waiting for a box set of the trilogy on region 1 dvd, guess I could be waiting a very long time.

I also watched Donnie Darko again. Great flick. Mr.T never saw it and kinda wanted to know what it was that made this movie a cult classic. The movie is confusing so watch the Directors cut if you've never seen Donnie Darko or read the book mentioned in the movie, The Philosophy of Time Travel. It will help, TONS!

Jake is on my celebrity crush list and I honestly do not know why, I just like his style and it is for precisely this reason I will not watch Brokeback Mountain. I will not do it. I can not and will not ... I'm not all anti-gay or anything but I just adore Jake and I don't wanna see him kissing a man.

I'll digress a bit here ... watching Jake kiss another man will ruin him for me. It's not that I can't watch two men kissing, I can and I still very much adore many of the actors that I have seen kiss another person of the same sex, but not Jake. I can't explain it really. I just can't watch it. Okay. I'll compare it to the love I once had for Hugh Jackman, it was as pure as the driven snow until I saw him singing and dancing on the Oscars. He is ruined for me. Sorry Hugh, I am very truly sorry. I wish that I didn't see what I saw, I wish I could erase that from my memory but I cannot and hence you will never be the same for me. It's not that I do not find men attractive that can dance, I married a dancer for Christs sake, it's just that I didn't expect it from Hugh and I can't go back. I just can't.

I know there is insanity here. I realize it makes no sense, but the little boxes I have put my favorites in are labeled and categorized and I just can't take it when they do something that doesn't fit in my box. I'm usually pretty flexible about these things but in these two instances I stand firm. Unyielding. Unchanging. I am sorry.

Below is a list of disappointing things I've watched or tried to watch or half watched while doing a host of other miscellaneous things:

The Uninvited - DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME. Seriously folks, watch the original Korean flick, "A Tale of Two Sisters" which will give you nightmares. The Hollywood version is just not good. I guess it could be due to the fact that I knew the story already....no, really, that is not it. Don't spoil this one if you haven't seen it, do not read about it. Watch A Tale of Two Sisters and you'll never ever again be able to look under any stove or cabinet in the kitchen ever again. That is a promise I can make you. Creepy!

Inkheart - wasn't awful, but wastn' great. My girlys would like it in another few years. They are still too young for this. If you are into these types of movies, I would say watch Stardust instead which was much better.

Rise of the Lycans - hmmm, not a great flick but I like Rhona Mitra almost as much as I like Kate Beckinsale. Maybe. Maybe not. Worth a watch if there is nothing else on. It didn't hold my attention, hence this was one of the movies that I watched while doing a host of other things.

(yeah, remind me I have to put both of these women on my celebrity crush list. I can almost watch them in anything.)

Birthday Girl - This is a relatively old flick from 2001, but I had it and I half watched it some time ago and I wanted to finish it. Not such a great idea, the second half of the movie wasn't as intriguing as the first half for me, but I still like Nicole Kidman.

Encounters at the End of the World - a beautiful film, but with a huge agenda. I really like Herzog's documentaries but this one was a bit too pointed and political. If you like these types of 'end of days' movies, you will appreciate this one as it is a very stunning movie with great anecdotes. My favorite character was the man with the fingers and how he knew he was the ancestor of royalty because of those fingers. Herzog finds the most amazing characters for his movies and this movie had some great characters.

Water - I had this one for some time and many moons ago I watched half of this film so I wanted to finish it. This is a good movie. Moving, beautiful with quite an awful sadness. Seriously sad, not an easy film to watch or forget. It's sticky stuff and will stick to your heart like tar.

What Have they done to Solande - not bad, not great. I guess I have to explain this one. I like horror movies. My love of horror movies started when I was a very young girl during my weekend trips to see my biological father. I would stay up really really late every Saturday night (as he was passed out on the chair) and watch "Chilly Billy" (it's a Pittsburgh thing). These types of 70's horror flicks were often featured on Chilly Billy. I am in search of one in particular that I do not know much of the plot and every so often I add one of these films to my netflix to find the movie I am in search of.

One of my favorites is 'The Corpse' and for the life of me I can not understand the low imdb rating. Yes it is dated, yes the acting isn't that great, but the plot is killer!

Frozen River

B.O.R.I.N.G.

Please...save...me...from...this...stupid...boring...movie.

Within 5 minutes of watching this film, I knew I would not like this movie at all. I felt nothing for any of these characters.

Mom is not so bright, her teenage son is full of typical teenage agnst, but not impressive or anything.

Heck, think I would leave that woman too if I were her husband.

I can't think of one redeeming quality of this movie. Not-a-one.

2/10 - 2 points, because this movie made me realize I never want to live in Upstate New York, but I've been to Buffalo on several occasions, so I already knew it.




* * * * * * * * * * * * S P O I L E R S * * * * * * * * * * *

I knew there was a baby in that bag.

I knew the car would fall in the ice. DAH, you can't have a movie about a frozen body of water without the ice cracking ... that is just damn silly.

I knew the young chick would end up raising the boys the end.

I knew the teenage boy would smile at the end.

Choke

This movie is a rare find, a unique plot that is well written and very well acted.

Choke is based on a book by Chuck Palahniuk, the dude who wrote FightClub.

Victor played by Sam Rockwell, is a sex addict that was raised by a delusional mother, Anjelica Huston. His job; he protrays an Irish indentured servant at a colonial theme park, where his boss is the typical annoying overachiever and constantly in character provoked by Victors carefree attitude and sexual escapades.


Victor is also a con man, pretending to choke on his food while dining at fancy restaurants. This provides Victor with much needed human affection but he cons his victums into sending him money. This is the money Victor uses to pay for his mothers care. There is a dispicable side to Sam/Victor, yet a loving, caring and sometimes selfless side to him. The duality of Victor is a joy to watch as Sam Rockwell's Victor is both charming and loathsome in the very same scene.



Anjelica Huston's twisted mommy role is incredible. Ida isn't able to recognize her son when he comes to visit yet there is an everlasting love in her that is very much with Ida until the very last scene. Ida is passionate in all things but she is so very insane; kidnapping her son from his foster care parents. Ida is strong minded and driven and she understands the complexities of life, accepts them but she is blind to her effect on her young son. Ida shows us her insecurity when she insists that Victor never fall in love with his many foster mothers. There is so much brain function still at her command yet many parts of it are completely fried to a crisp, damaged beyond repair.



But repair is exactly what Paige (Ida's new doctor, Victor's savior and/or ruination) has in mind. Paige cares deeply for Ida, so much so in fact that she is more than willing to impregnate herself with Victors baby so she can perform experimental sperm cell reconstruction of Ida's badly fried brains.



Denny played by Brad William Henke, Victors best friend is sometimes weak, needing Victors help and strength of mind to help him out of a bad situations then sometimes strong, attempting to help Victor out of his downward spiral.



This is a disturbingly dark and perverse comedy. This is not for everyone but if you think you can enjoy a demented movie - then by all means see this one.

8/10

I kinda feel like a stalker of Paz de la Huerta. She was in The Guitar as a pizza delivery chick turn lesbo-lover and Choke as a fellow sex addict.

2 that everyone is talking about & 1 you probably don't know about

Things I have learned from the latest movies I've seen.

Gran Torino
1. Clint can still kick some butt.
2. Don't call Clint an old man.
3. Clint's been called a lot of things, but he's never been called funny.
4. Everyone wants a Gran Torino.
5. Any man worth his salt can fix almost any problem with WD-40, a vice grip, and a roll of duct tape.



Taken
1. When Liam Neeson says "I will find you, and I will kill you." believe it.
2. When you sit behind a desk. You forget things, like the weight in the hand of a gun that's loaded and one that's not.
3. A flesh wound can turn into a bullet between your wifes eyes unless you help Liam Neeson.
4. 7 inch nails are great conductors of electricity.
5. Paris is a hot bed for Albanian human-trafficking.



The Guitar
1. You can teach old chicks new things, you can teach them how to ROCK.
2. When diagnosed with cancer, you should blow your severance pay on an expensive loft apartment in NYC.
3. Delivery people can be your best friends.
4. You can max out all your credit cards by ordering out everyday.
5. We should all live like it's our last day on earth.

The Omega Man - 1971

Yes, this is a blast from the past, the original I Am Legend movie (6/10). You didn't know it was done already? Well, my friend it was done many many moons ago.

The Omega Man, It was one of my very favorite Chilly Billy movies. I watched this movie again the other night and it was less scary then I remembered it. Of course I was only a pup when I last seen this flick. This movie used to haunt my nightmares, seriously ghost white faces with white eyes under black hoods with huge afros, seriously freaked me out.

What The Omega Man teaches us:
1. Biological warfare survivors become albino mutant hippies that wear black capes.
2. Chuck has seen and memorized the Woodstock documentary.
3. When you are the last man alive it's still super cool to drive a convertible.

Chilly Billy was the late night host of Chiller Theater. Chilly Billy was played by Pittsburgh's very own Bill Cardille, a legend in his own time.

I was around 9 or 10 years old when I started watching Chilly Billy, and this is probably when I developed my love of movies, especially vampire movies. I would attempt to stay up for the double feature which was over about 3am. I rarely managed it, but hardly a Saturday night went by during these influential years that I wasn't glued to the set. I remember being jolted awake from the sounds of the off the air signal, sometimes I awoke to the sound of The Star-Spangled Banner that played immediately following the movie but before the off air signal, which was an awful sound.

My mind wonders, what did insomniacs do before the days of cable TV and the internet?

The Omega Man 6/10

Movies You Probably Didn't See But Should

Here are a few little known gems that are perfectly entertaining - for the sheer joy of movie watching - with a twist (maybe).

The Big Nothing The only David Schwimmer movie that is watchable. A crime caper gone bad type of flick but done very well. 6.5/10

Weirdsville This one is weird; herione addicts, midevil dwarf knights, and a devil worshipping cult, makes this a must see. 7/10

Millions - The UK is about to switch its currency from Pounds to Euros, giving a gang a chance to rob the poorly-secured train loaded with money on its way to incineration. But, during the robbery, one of the big bags falls literally from the sky on Damian's playhouse, a 5-year old given to talking to saints.

Teacher: Now we are talking, today about people we admire. (Other children mention sports hero, and the teacher calls on the main character, I'd say he's in 3rd grade)
Damian: Saint Roch, sir.
Teacher: Who's he play for?
Damian: No one sir, he's a Saint.
Teacher: Oh that's better, go on.
Damian: He was so worried that he might say something bad. That he said nothing at all for twenty years.
Teacher: We could do with a couple like him in this class. Thank you, Damian.
Damian: I like a lot of virgin martyrs too. Like Saint Agatha. She ripped her own eyes out, so she wouldn't have to marry this man. Or Saint Katherine of Alexandria, they tried to kill her by crushing her to death on a wheel but she made the wheel explode and all the splinters killed people in the crowd. The patron Saint of fireworks. That's where we get the Catherine wheel from.
Teacher: I did say thank you, Damian. 7/10

Jesus' Son - a different styled movie with an eccelectic cast.

Billy Crudup, Samantha Morton, Ben Shenkman, Denis Leary, Jack Black, Greg Germann, Dennis Hopper and Holly Hunter 6.5/10

Save the Green Planet - another great out of Korea. It's a thriller, no it's horror movie, no wait it's a comedy, no it's a satire, noooooooooooo it's a sci-fi flick. Yeah, it's all of those and it's hits top marks in all, but please do not take this one seriously. I guess that didn't really need to be said - just sit back and enjoy this entertaining film. 8/10

Stuck - this movie may cause you to look at your neighbors a bit more closely. This is based on a true story. You won't forget about this movie easily. 7.5/10 I added points because of the gruesomely painful scenes. Some scenes had me sqirming around. You will seriously want to punch Mena Suvari's character in the face. HARD. 7/10

Perfume: The Story of a Murderer - This is NOT A HORROR MOVIE. I don't believe there is a drop of blood. A very strange movie with a unique premise. If you are looking for something completely different (beside Monty Python) then this is a good pick. 7.5/10

The Ten - don't judge this film - there is a lot to judge but if you let yourself just sit back and watch - you will laugh. You will laugh often. 6.5/10

Sublime - The low ratings on imdb, well what can I say - this is not a horror film. The movie is filled with symbolism and sometimes difficult to understand. With all that said I really liked this movie. It is unique and thought-provoking. Plus it has a great seen of father/daughter love, something I wish I wrote to my girlys:

Setting the scene: Prior to this conversation a man is in the hospital, suffering badly, he is resting. The man awakes to see his daughter standing in front of him kissing another girl. He is not happy about it, he suspected as much, but now he has to accept it.

daughter - when I was little, like 5, we went to the bakery on sunday morning to get like bagels or something, and it was raining remember
dad - yeah I remember
daughter - you parked in front of the bakery, and you turned to me and you said, "yes" {dad says ' yes ' at exactly the same time - as if he knows exactly where she is going with this}
daughter continues - and I said like, what, and you just said yes, and I said yes what. Why did you say that and you said that one day you would tell me. I wanna know, I want you to tell me what that meant.
dad - why now.
daughter - I'm 16, and I wanna know ....blah blah ... more here but unimportant
dad - you were 5, and you were sitting there in the seat next to me and I was just so filled with love for you and I knew that one day you would come to me and you would ask me for something; something that you needed and only I could give you and that morning I decided to give you the answer so that when the day had come I could remind you of that moment and you would know then I've been waiting my whole life to give you whatever you need. YES. The answer is yes.

The Secret - With one scene this movie could have been very bad indeed, but in fact it didn't go there and I'm so very glad. The plot has been done before but not from this angle. Well done and enjoyable.

You Kill Me - Tea Leoni used to grate on my nerves, like scratching nails on a chalk board - ewwwwwww - teeth hurt just thinking about it. But she has aged well, and I kinda like these older more mature roles for her. Here she is unbelievable and so is Ben. Oh, I laughed, many times, sometimes LOUDLY. 7.5/10

Blindness - Just a wee-bit shy of being the most awesome movie ever. It's very good. It's BLEAK. It's Powerful. It's Disturbing. 7.5/10

13 Tzameti - DO not read about this one - just watch it. You can easily ruin the movie if you know the how the plot unfolds too early. Similar to someone telling you Bruce Willis' secret in The Sixth Sense. Wait for it and it will blow your mind. 7/10

Cashback - interesting, inspiring, artistic and fun. 6.5/10

A Tale of Two Sisters - Almost crapped my pants watching this one. You won't be able to look under your kitchen sink for a year and never ever ever look in a very large canvas bag. Another great Korean flick. 7.5/10

Dirty Pretty Things - Okwe, a Nigerian doctor played by Chiwetel Ejiofor and Senay, a Turkish chambermaid played by the lovely Audrey Tautou, work at the same West London hotel. The hotel is run by Senor Sneaky and is the sort of place where dirty business like drug dealing and prostitution takes place. However, when Okwe finds a human heart in one of the toilets, he uncovers something far more sinister than just a common crime. 7/10

Guo Yi (to Okwe): You know, Okwe, good at chess usually means bad at life. You do realize that she's (Senay) in love with you, don't you? I've been with her 20 minutes, and I know it. But then, I'm bad at chess...
A doctor: How come I've never seen you people before?
Okwe: Because we are the people you do not see; we are the ones who drive your cabs (Okwe is a cab driver), we clean your rooms (Senay is a maid) and suck your cocks (Juliette is a prostitute). 7/10

Spiral - without giving away the plot, the name suits the movie. The ending WILL surprise you. 7/10

All of these gems won't suit all of you, but hopefully something will appeal to you that you never even heard of.

If you have additional questions and do not want to check imdb for fear of spoilers, just ask.

...May all your movie nights be wonderful.

Javier Bardem

For those new Javier Bardem fans; No Country for Old Men (7)and Vicky Cristina Barcelona (4)- try Live Flesh (7), The Sea Inside (7) and Goya's Ghosts (7.5).

Goya's Ghosts - if the cast alone doesn't beckon you to see this movie - Javier Bardem, Natalie Portman, Stellan Skarsgård and Randy Quaid, maybe the director, Milos Forman can do it for you. He directed other greats such as Man on the Moon (not my type), The People vs. Larry Flynt (7), Valmont (6), Amadeus (8), Ragtime (6.5), Hair (7.5), and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (fantastic, a 10, one of the very best. In the imdbs top 10).